Saturday, December 1, 2012

On Line Reputation Management, When to Stand up for self and others...

By the way everything I am going to address below applies to any given Relationship: Social Media, Family, Friends and Business...
Personally I attempt to treat everyone with the same values, caring, integrity etc... and those are the types of people that I choose to have in my own circles as well...

So, Someone posted the above Quote pic on Facebook and it really hit home for me for many reasons Personally and in Business as this is part of what I do and teach for a living. So let me explain why and how...  I also want to pre-frame this with - this is just my personal opinion and from my own personal experiences with working on and with clients and cases involving on line reputation management and my own life personal experience and journey of Learning, Playing and Growing each and every day in various Countries with vast Values, Theologies, Abundance and or resources.

And... The BIG Pre-Frame for this Entire POST after some of the comments I received - I am NOT talking about gossiping and silly warnings, I am talking about BIG issues, not small petty things, that is Just hearsay and gossip. 

I shared the above Quote pic on my Facebook wall with the following statement:

"Sooo True... and the other side to that is when and if you warn Your Friends about something or someone they also don't need facts yet believe You, based on your Solid friendship.

A peeve of mine is:
A have seen a Huge lack these days of People willing to stand up for others when they see something or know someone is a fake and or has hurt other people...  
My friends know I have their back 100%  

I have seen way too many people take and twist the term:
"Who are we to Judge"  Karma, Dharma etc...  

Their is a point of no return with certain acts in my personal opinion.  Just saying nasty things about someone is ONE thing... However... if You know somebody has hurt some of your friends and then has gone to do it again and again to other friends at what point do you let Karma, Dharma, or whatever Philosophy you believe take over or have the Authenticity and Integrity to warn your friends...  

What they do with the information you give them is UP to them... What they Choose to do is up to them...  However... I would Hope my Friends would be willing to stand up for me and say hey... "that person you are dealing with, know this is just my personal opinion however just be careful etc..."  

I am never ashamed of mistakes or sweep them under the carpet, I use them to empower others, so If I have ever dealt with a shady character or deal unknowingly and then things go south etc... and then I see others getting burned in the same manner, I don't hide, feel embarrassed, I warn people- privately... not in big open forums that is not integrity, that is ranting and petty.

I think part of growing up and into awareness is being mindful of those you Love and care about too...  You don't tell them what to do, you just provide your experience. 
Enjoy the Journey... We are all teachers for one another, remember that..."

So here is a few of the replies I got:
***Carley, everyone has their own experience with everyone else - sometimes - well most all times - it's important to experience our own experience from our perspective... and then, learn our own lesson - it's great to know you are their 
for your friendz - namaste.

***Hi Carly, this slippery slope began quite a while ago. We have become in the macrocosm a nation where situation-al ethics are the rule...where empathy is relegated to weakness; the social consious is mired in the survival of the fittest or maybe said the survival of the privilege class.

***Now that's having a "simply irresistible" reputation!

*** Carly Alyssa Thorne Your soul is absolutely in the perfect place. I agree that no one should be blindsided, if you have the knowledge to warn them do it. It is up to each person what action they chose to take. If only everyone would look out for each other....

So, I replied with this Comment to address some of the comments above:
"While I can agree with both of Your Statements...  I am all about Self-Learning however... Would a Parent let a child run into the street to learn a lesson... I will be writing a Whole Blog piece on this... It is a very interesting subject.. I think having studied both Eastern and Western Ways, and being of the Metaphysical mindset and Energetics etc... I still believe at some point we  need to Learn a BOTH AND... Mentality and find the balance of when to Step up for others and when to let others find their own way... and I am not saying TELL people what to do, what I am saying is personally ALL FEEDBACK I welcome.... and to  me warning someone is FEEDBACK they can do whatever they want with it..."

I would like to further add to all of the above the following:
When I work with Clients and even in my personal life with friends etc... 
I will ask them...  Are You Open to Feedback ?  
And I let them know I am always open to feedback as well.

I am all about Compassionate Passionate Communications and even teach a course on that.  
What does Compassionate Passionate Communications  mean ?
-Be open and willing to take and give Compassionate Passionate Feedback.
-How I choose to be open and or closed and or react to any given feedback
is my responsibility.
-Honesty, being willing to Delegate, embrace Let's Do it, meaning a mentality of Collaboration and Teamwork, or Delete it, Letting it Go...
-Honesty in communication of I am not okay with that and here is the reason why.... However I am open to this...
-Be willing and open to hear and listen to all points of view, and it is okay to disagree...  it is how we handle different points of view that matters.

I also find Conscious Business Collaboration Principles equally as important.
Within this Compassionate Passionate Communications is vital.
Conscious Business Collaboration - What does it mean ?
-Collaboration Leadership: Leadership that takes feedback from their
their Team, Group, and Leads letting their team know that they are always open and willing to hear suggestions and or feedback, and that all points of view will be heard and or considered.
-Authenticity, Integrity, Value
-Teamwork, JV, Collaboration, Co-Creating
-Let's Do it, Delegate it, or Delete it

So here is where I am going with all of this:
1- Why would I want to deal with Family, Friends, and or business associates who:
A- Who treat me great yet others badly.
B- Aren't willing to own up to their mistakes and or failures.
C- Aren't willing to step up and warn me or advise me that Hm... Just a note we
have dealt with that individual and or Company and here are some of the things
you might want to watch for, while of course pre-framing it that it is just their personal opinion.  I can listen to their advice and heed it or not.  
D- We are all teachers for each other.
E-  There is a Phrase that a friend of mine uses all of the time:
Why reinvent the wheel. Personally, I Love to learn from others successes and or failures-if it can help me NOT to have to REPEAT the same mistake...

F- In today's society with the internet, there are a lot of Fake profiles, people and businesses, and a ton of money scams, so If I personally know of that, and or have experienced it and then I see people that I care about Why wouldn't I just say something.

The concept of letting people learn on their own does have merit... to a degree.
Society as a whole, with the VAST theologies, dogma's, philosophies, tend to Separate people, Black/White mentality, it has to be this way or that way, this is right, this is wrong etc...   For me life is all about Both and...

-I absolutely believe doing, learning thru action is Vital to ones grow...
However... I also think equally vital is paying attention to Feedback, and watching and learning thru others trials and errors.   

-I never said place judgement, warning is NOT judging it is what it is... it is just simply stating an Opinion that might just help someone avoid a costly mistake emotionally, physically, spiritually and or financially.

Now there is some protocols and or etiquette to this, at least I feel there is.
- I would never out someone in Public, meaning on a website, on a FB wall etc...
- I would ask to have a private phone call or meeting with the person if that was possible.
-I would contact my associates and or friends privately and or personally if the person I attempted to have the meeting with wasn't willing to clean up the situation and I saw the situation spiraling out of control.

I also wrote a Blog piece called: "Social Media Who - Why - When - What - How Etiquette"

I would LOVE to hear others opinions, feedback on the subject matter of
When to Warn, Stand up for others, Learn thru Self made mistakes, Learn thru 
others trial and tribulations etc... etc... etc...

Meanwhile...  Enjoy the Journey


  1. I agree. Warning is not judging. It is caring. It is helping. People are lucky to have you looking out for them.

  2. Thanks Mindy, and Likewise People are very lucky to have your help with Online Reputation Management as well...

  3. This is so true Carly, and I'm sure a lot of people could relate. Thanks for the share!

  4. Thanks Andrew.. at least this is what I hear this a lot from my clients... and from my own personal experience with this..

  5. I agree with you Carly. There's a difference between feedback and judgement!


Thanks for taking the Time to Read our Post...

All feedback is welcome as it gives us the opportunity to Learn, Play, and Grow each and every day...

"We are the Actors/Actresses, Writers, Editors, Producers, Directors, Co-Creators of Our Lives, we can create anything, anytime... Let's Do it." Carly Alyssa Thorne